Funnybones: Sherlock and John Style
by SpicklePock
Summary: Sherlock/Funnybones AU. In an odd odd flat there lived some skeletons. One shot.


**Summary:** Sherlock/Funnybones AU. In an odd odd flat there lived some skeletons.  
><span><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> None of this is true. I own nothing. Funnybones belongs to Janet and Allan Ahlberg and publishers. Some parts are copied directly from the book, others I changed slightly so it would fit together better. Sherlock belongs to ACD and publishers, Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat, etc.  
><span><strong>Authors Note:<strong> Thank god for the online thesaurus and adjective site. My brain nearly imploded with the overload of thinking up so many damn adjectives.

This is how the story begins. On a wet wet island there was big big city. In the big big city there was a long long street. On the long long street there was a tall tall house. In the tall tall house there was a dark dark staircase. Up the dark dark staircase there was a odd odd flat, and in the odd odd flat...

...Some skeletons lived. There was a big skeleton called Sherlock, a little skeleton named John and a dog skeleton identified as Gladstone.

One night the big skeleton barged into the little skeleton's room. He huffed dramatically.

"Bored." he declared.

"Then let's take Gladstone for a walk," replied the little skeleton. "But try not to deduce everybody we see!"

"Come on now, John. You know it is not something that can just be switched on and off, but I shall try to refrain from commenting on my deductions. If we're lucky, we might find ourselves a case while we're out." the big skeleton said.

So the big skeleton, the little skeleton and the dog skeleton left the odd odd flat, descended the dark dark staircase and stepped out into the long long street.

They walked past the houses and the shops. They walked past the zoo and the police station. They went into the park.

The big skeleton huffed dramatically. "And what, pray tell, do we do now?" he asked disdainfully.

"We could do anything," replied the little skeleton. " We could just walk around, or maybe even have a go on the swings. I haven't been on a swing in years, lets do that."

"If you insist." the big skeleton said.

So the big skeleton, the little skeleton and the dog skeleton walked round the calm calm pond, past the large large tennis courts and up to the squeaky squeaky swings.

The big skeleton and the little skeleton played on the swings. Correction, the little skeleton played on the swings and the big skeleton joined in half heartedly. They threw a stick for the dog.

Suddenly something happened. The dog skeleton ran after the stick, tripped over a park bench and bumped into a tree- and ended up as a pile of bones.

"Look at that, John!" the big skeleton said gleefully as they both hurried over to inspect the level of damage. "He's all come to pieces. This is fascinating."

"Sherlock!" the little skeleton said warningly. "Nothing seems to be broken, let's put him together again."

So the big skeleton and the little skeleton put the dog skeleton together again. They bickered continuously while they did it. The big skeleton thought that he knew best, but the little skeleton noticed that he was prone to fitting the wrong bones together on purpose to experiment. Poor Gladstone made some very strange noises as the big skeleton continued to try out different combinations.

Then they got mixed up.

"Now look what you've done. I can't even tell what each bone is now. Is that a toe bone?" the little skeleton asked.

"Don't exaggerate, John. You know perfectly well that that is a toe bone." replied the big skeleton. "You go finish playing on your swings, let me deal with this. Gladstone will be back to normal before you know it."

The little skeleton sighed, but did as he said. There was no use trying to argue.

"Now, where does this one go?" the big skeleton muttered as John was walking away. He spun back around with a glare.

"Sherlock!" he exclaimed.

The big skeleton spun around to face him, raising his hands in a calming gesture. "Joking! I was joking," he soothed. "It's not that difficult, I will have him back to normal in no time." The little skeleton just rolled his eyes in response and continued on his way.

When the big skeleton had finished he sat back with a look of smug satisfaction before his eyes took in the dog before him. "Ah..."

"'Ah' indeed. 'It's not that difficult', he says." the little skeleton teased with a raised eyebrow.

"Foow!" Gladstone uttered helplessly as he stared up at the men studying him.

"Yes, well, he can just be a dog that looks and barks a bit funny." the big skeleton said dismissively.

"No he won't," said the little skeleton. "You've just got his tail on the wrong end - and his head!"

"Foow!" the dog skeleton said again.

At last the dog was properly put together again. The big skeleton and the little skeleton had another argument.

The big skeleton huffed dramatically. "Has Gladstone had enough exercise yet? Dog walking is so very dull. We didn't even find a crime scene or a criminal to chase!"

"Let's hope we find something on the way home then," the little skeleton commented sarcastically.

"Good idea!" the big skeleton said.

So the big skeleton, the little skeleton and the dog skeleton left the squeaky squeaky swings, went into the dark dark city and searched for an interesting case.

The trouble was, there wasn't anybody. Everybody seemed to have taken the day off. Even Lestrade from New Scotland Yard had the day off. Even the animals in the zoo were off 'being gawked at' duty. Of course, the _skeleton_ animals were still working.

"Look, an elephant skeleton," the little skeleton said.

"Boring." the big skeleton replied with a dismissive sniff, "and oh look, a talking parrot. How dull."

The big skeleton huffed dramatically. The sound of snapping caught his attention and he turned to gaze at the crocodile skeleton. "Now, that is interesting." he said as the approached the large animal.

"Sherlock!" the little skeleton yelled as he grabbed his friend, pulling him out of the way before he could be caught up in the crocodile's jaws. "I think you should keep out of the way of the crocodile skeleton." he scolded.

When they were back in the street, and when they still could not find anything to investigate, the big skeleton said, "Now I am bored again. John, entertain me."

The little skeleton imitated the big skeleton and huffed dramatically. "Well, as you seem to want to chase somebody so badly, and have been particularly immature this past week, let's play a combination of hide and seek and catch. Finding me won't be enough; you have to actually catch me too."

"Honestly, John. I don't just want to 'chase somebody', I want to be able to exercise my brain and collect all the clues, piece them together and then use them to catch the criminal, but I suppose your idea is better than nothing." the big skeleton replied.

So after that the big skeleton found and caught the little skeleton, the little skeleton found and caught the big skeleton. The big skeleton and the little skeleton then decided to find and catch the dog skeleton, and the dog skeleton even found and caught them.

They hid round corners, they chased each other up lamp posts, they hid in dustbins and caught each other in trees, all the way home.

And that is how the story ends. On a wet wet island there was big big city. In the big big city there was a long long street. On the long long street there was a tall tall house. In the tall tall house there was a dark dark staircase. Up the dark dark staircase there was a odd odd flat, and in the odd odd flat some skeletons lived.

They still do.

The End.


End file.
